Is it right for a man to cheat on you if....

I was having a conversation with a friend about sexuality and the role it plays in a relationship. 

Which one is strong and influential, intimacy or love?

People would usually say love is stronger. What about a relationship where people love each other, care about each other, but there is no sex, sexual attraction and chemistry would that relationships last?  Some would argue that if you love each other, you will do what it takes to please. What if you don't find your partner attractive because they have gained weight?  Or you never had sex before getting married and then you find that his penis is too small or the sex only last two minutes and you have never organism, but you love each other would that relationship still be fulfilling? 

What about a relationship that is founded on sex? Would that last longer than the situation above? What if all you do is hook-up and have sex is that a better situation? I personally think this scenario is better than being in a relationship where there is no intimacy. However, given, that there is sexual chemistry (where you know each other’s body inside and out, you bodies are in sync), have a similar sex drive and you both extremely attracted to one another. This relationship as more chance of developing into a relationship than the other circumstance turning into a fulfilling relationship. 

I think a lot of people underestimate the importance of sex. What lead me to do this post is that I know a lot of people that are in relationships, long term relationships, yet the women doesn't even own any lingerie, or feel the need to own any, and the man always has to initiate the sex. Is it then justified for a man to then cheat on the women if he is hungry for a sexual connection? 

White men will never accept you.

I am sad and feed up of seeing so many black women online showing extreme signs of self-hatred.

I am really feed up of this. Let’s just be real, white people, in reference to white MEN will not accept us. Period. That's why we see studies stating black women are ugly, unattractive, undesirable etc. Let’s not be under an illusion that this is a mistake. This is not a mistaken, there are people out there constructing this. Therefore, us to then up lift white men or non-white men, makes us look pathetic and not worth of respect. We are craving attention from white men, you can only look at the internet and see how many blogs pertaining to black women and white men, and the majority created by black women. There is nothing wrong with attraction, but look at where this “want” is coming from, is it coming from the need to be accepted. The more you try to get close to white people the more you start to hate them, but that's a waste of time and energy. What we need to start to do is to understand this system and why this system exists. You need to reclaim you position in this world black women, you are the first people on earth that give birth to every single race; everyone come from black people. Therefore, we should treat ourselves with the respect that warrants this.


This system has an objective aim. They have created this system for themselves, the question is do you want to spend your life time trying to be accepted by white people, knowing that this is a system created by white people for they own interest.


If it takes my life time preaching about this then it will, until this sinks into people’s minds and heads. There is no way the mother and the first people on earth can be reduced to this level. Your behaviour should reflect who we are.

How colour blind is love?

While relationships between white and black people are rising, it is rare to see relationships consisting of a black woman and white man. I live in Manchester and my observation is that there are more black men and white women couples then there are white men and black women together. This is not only exclusive to Manchester it is the same across the board. Being the curious person I am I just wonder why this is the case. 

It’s not a problem that more black women and white men are not deciding to be in a relationship with each other. I particularly want to know what people’s views are about this trend.

Do you think it is to do with attraction? Is it simply black women and white men are generally not attracted to each other? Or does the issue go beyond attraction and rather more complex?

I know who somebody wants to date is subjective, that’s why I would like to hear everybody’s views. Please no politically correct answers. 

Would you date somebody that is celibate?

In our society sex is given a lot of weight. Sex is no longer limited to an expression of love to another person. It is something that people do when they feel like it. It is more about fulfilling your desire.  In relationships it is one of the important aspects of a relationship.  It can restore a relationship by drawing people together. However, it can also lead to sexual infidelity. Therefore, given the importance we place on sex, if you meet somebody that is not willing to have sex, would you still consider dating that person? A celibate person may decide to wait until they get married or when they believe it is the right time. Would you still be willing to date them? 

In our sexualised society, where we see sex as imperative in a relationship, it is impossible to even see people who would entertain that thought. Most sexually active people have the view that sex is something they wouldn’t wait for, especially men. Being truthfully honest a lot of men say that they would not date a celibate woman or even a woman who was a virgin. Not saying that women don’t have the same view but it is more prevalent among men. If you are sexually active, you enjoy having sex and sex is a key part of the relationships you form, it makes sense that you would not want to date somebody who is celibate. If you meet somebody and you like them, and the next thing they say is that ‘I AM CELIBATE’, you would run out of there like a bullet. To some extent that is understandable, we are all humans and have hormones, so sex is important;  but the question is to what extent should overshadow mental sex?

Me personally I like the whole courtship idea. Get to know somebody. Simulate each other mentally and spiritually. Have intelligent conversations, bit of banter, flirting and bring out different sides of our personality.  In my view a relationship can be enjoyed without sex. Getting to somebody before sex is more important. Sex is good but it is even better when you wait.

The good thing about getting to know somebody first is that when you finally get there it will be far more intense. Sex in that case will be more meaningful. The pleasure of getting to know each other is like a starter to get your palate ready for the main course, so when that main course comes it will be even sweeter. But how longer would you be willing to wait? How long is too long? Marriage? 10 years?  5 years?  3 years?  Or maybe it depends on the person, whether you think the person is special enough for you to want for. I guess if the person is special enough you would be willing to wait even for marriage?   

Why are white men reluctant to approach black women?

I am a black woman, in my mid 20s; I have lived most of my adult life in England. I just find it a bit strange that when a white man finds me attractive and I also find him to be attractive, he will not approach me or even at least say hi. With Asian men or black men I have had similar experiences, but also had the flip side of the situation, where they have approached me. Whereas with white men I can only count on one hand the amount of white men that have come up to me, given the majority of men in England are white.  Is this not strange?

Let me give an example. I saw this guy at my university. When we first fisted our eyes on each other you would tell and feel the chemistry. It was amazing. He is very attractive, dark hair, nice eyes, nice height (am short), well dress, nice physic. You could also tell that he found me attractive, when we made eye contact it was intense, we were in a lift with a lot of people but it just felt like it was me and him. When I looked away, then looked back he was looking at me. Based on this strong connection I assumed he would say something, but it never happened. I have traditional values, so I am not a kind of person who would pursue a man; I like a man to lead. So in that moment I took actions into my hands and said something to see whether he would take the conversation further. I was going for a lecture and genuinely wanted to know what time it was, so I asked him. He replied and we both went our separate ways. After that, I then thought maybe he was not attracted to me or I did something that turned him off. Told myself, his loss and forgot about it as you usually do. But then I saw him other day, we exchanged glances, yet again you could feel the physical chemistry. But again he didn’t say anything. Every time we saw each other it was evident there was an attraction. But he did not make an attempt to take it further than the attraction that was there. Don’t get me wrong I don’t think physical attraction is enough for any form of a romantic relationship but it is a door to get to know somebody further. How would you know if you have things in common with somebody if you don’t speak to them? To me it is just a bit strange, he seemed to be so attracted to me, yet even though he had so many opportunities to approach me, he never did. Let me take another example, same scenario, but in this case the guy was black. One day this guy came up to me and said hi, even though we did not take the conversation further at least he acted upon his feelings. For whatever reason he never approached me, to me it seems as if British white men are reluctant to approach black women. I have had countless similar experiences with British white men.  Is this just me or does this happen to other black women? And if so why are white British men reluctant to approach black women?

*I would like to get a bit of insight into why this is the case, especially from British white men.