Is it right for a man to cheat on you if....

I was having a conversation with a friend about sexuality and the role it plays in a relationship. 

Which one is strong and influential, intimacy or love?

People would usually say love is stronger. What about a relationship where people love each other, care about each other, but there is no sex, sexual attraction and chemistry would that relationships last?  Some would argue that if you love each other, you will do what it takes to please. What if you don't find your partner attractive because they have gained weight?  Or you never had sex before getting married and then you find that his penis is too small or the sex only last two minutes and you have never organism, but you love each other would that relationship still be fulfilling? 

What about a relationship that is founded on sex? Would that last longer than the situation above? What if all you do is hook-up and have sex is that a better situation? I personally think this scenario is better than being in a relationship where there is no intimacy. However, given, that there is sexual chemistry (where you know each other’s body inside and out, you bodies are in sync), have a similar sex drive and you both extremely attracted to one another. This relationship as more chance of developing into a relationship than the other circumstance turning into a fulfilling relationship. 

I think a lot of people underestimate the importance of sex. What lead me to do this post is that I know a lot of people that are in relationships, long term relationships, yet the women doesn't even own any lingerie, or feel the need to own any, and the man always has to initiate the sex. Is it then justified for a man to then cheat on the women if he is hungry for a sexual connection? 

White men will never accept you.

I am sad and feed up of seeing so many black women online showing extreme signs of self-hatred.

I am really feed up of this. Let’s just be real, white people, in reference to white MEN will not accept us. Period. That's why we see studies stating black women are ugly, unattractive, undesirable etc. Let’s not be under an illusion that this is a mistake. This is not a mistaken, there are people out there constructing this. Therefore, us to then up lift white men or non-white men, makes us look pathetic and not worth of respect. We are craving attention from white men, you can only look at the internet and see how many blogs pertaining to black women and white men, and the majority created by black women. There is nothing wrong with attraction, but look at where this “want” is coming from, is it coming from the need to be accepted. The more you try to get close to white people the more you start to hate them, but that's a waste of time and energy. What we need to start to do is to understand this system and why this system exists. You need to reclaim you position in this world black women, you are the first people on earth that give birth to every single race; everyone come from black people. Therefore, we should treat ourselves with the respect that warrants this.


This system has an objective aim. They have created this system for themselves, the question is do you want to spend your life time trying to be accepted by white people, knowing that this is a system created by white people for they own interest.


If it takes my life time preaching about this then it will, until this sinks into people’s minds and heads. There is no way the mother and the first people on earth can be reduced to this level. Your behaviour should reflect who we are.

Is it racist to say that I wouldn’t generally go for a black or white person?

One of the British Big Brother contestant on this year’s season stated she would go for dark skin but not black. She further stated that she wouldn’t generally go for black guys. When approach by a fellow contestant about her statement, who happens to be a black woman, she said "that’s my preference, you probably wouldn’t go for a white guy". When I heard this two things popped up in my head. One being, was what she said just a matter of preference or actually racist? Secondly, why did she assume that her black housemate wouldn't go out with a white guy? 

With the first question I think it is important to know that people do have preferences. To me race is not a qualification to how attractive someone is to me. If you are hot you are hot. But that said, I know people who prefer a particular race. I do not think there is anything wrong with preference; the issue only comes when we determine our preference based on the media’s portrayal of certain races. If the big brother contestant genuinely does not find black men attractive without any particular negative feelings towards black men as a whole then fair enough. Preference is fine as long as there are no negative racial attitudes towards that particular group.    

With the second element I am particularly interested in 'why' she said the other housemate, the black woman, would not go out with a white man. Do people generally assume that you would not go out with a particular race because you belong to a different race? This makes me wonder do people generally think I could not go out with a white man because I am black. Can this explain why white men do not approach me? Yesterday I was in a shop and noticed that a man was looking at me, but didn't say anything. This is generally the experience I have had with white men.

How colour blind is love?

While relationships between white and black people are rising, it is rare to see relationships consisting of a black woman and white man. I live in Manchester and my observation is that there are more black men and white women couples then there are white men and black women together. This is not only exclusive to Manchester it is the same across the board. Being the curious person I am I just wonder why this is the case. 

It’s not a problem that more black women and white men are not deciding to be in a relationship with each other. I particularly want to know what people’s views are about this trend.

Do you think it is to do with attraction? Is it simply black women and white men are generally not attracted to each other? Or does the issue go beyond attraction and rather more complex?

I know who somebody wants to date is subjective, that’s why I would like to hear everybody’s views. Please no politically correct answers. 

Would you date somebody that is celibate?

In our society sex is given a lot of weight. Sex is no longer limited to an expression of love to another person. It is something that people do when they feel like it. It is more about fulfilling your desire.  In relationships it is one of the important aspects of a relationship.  It can restore a relationship by drawing people together. However, it can also lead to sexual infidelity. Therefore, given the importance we place on sex, if you meet somebody that is not willing to have sex, would you still consider dating that person? A celibate person may decide to wait until they get married or when they believe it is the right time. Would you still be willing to date them? 

In our sexualised society, where we see sex as imperative in a relationship, it is impossible to even see people who would entertain that thought. Most sexually active people have the view that sex is something they wouldn’t wait for, especially men. Being truthfully honest a lot of men say that they would not date a celibate woman or even a woman who was a virgin. Not saying that women don’t have the same view but it is more prevalent among men. If you are sexually active, you enjoy having sex and sex is a key part of the relationships you form, it makes sense that you would not want to date somebody who is celibate. If you meet somebody and you like them, and the next thing they say is that ‘I AM CELIBATE’, you would run out of there like a bullet. To some extent that is understandable, we are all humans and have hormones, so sex is important;  but the question is to what extent should overshadow mental sex?

Me personally I like the whole courtship idea. Get to know somebody. Simulate each other mentally and spiritually. Have intelligent conversations, bit of banter, flirting and bring out different sides of our personality.  In my view a relationship can be enjoyed without sex. Getting to somebody before sex is more important. Sex is good but it is even better when you wait.

The good thing about getting to know somebody first is that when you finally get there it will be far more intense. Sex in that case will be more meaningful. The pleasure of getting to know each other is like a starter to get your palate ready for the main course, so when that main course comes it will be even sweeter. But how longer would you be willing to wait? How long is too long? Marriage? 10 years?  5 years?  3 years?  Or maybe it depends on the person, whether you think the person is special enough for you to want for. I guess if the person is special enough you would be willing to wait even for marriage?